You and My Ranch Tooth
by Loke Groundrunner
Summary: Takuya's got issues: he can't get the courage to ask Izumi out and that crazy Ranch Tooth won't leave him alone! What will he do? Warning: insanity abounds.
1. The boy, the girl and the tooth

You and My Ranch Tooth

Takuya sat on the couch, staring out the window watching the rain falling from the sky. _Why can't I get the courage to ask Izumi out? _He pondered; _I know I have feelings for her, but why can't I come forward and just tell her? God, she sure is pretty. I wonder if she likes---- _

His thoughts were interrupted by a nasally shout of "Ranch!" It was that stupid ranch tooth again. _Why did I have to give into corporate propaganda? _Thought Takuya, _Ever since I ate that ranch burger, that stupid tooth has been following me around. This is about as bad as the time Kouji was in that shampoo commercial._

FLASHBACK:

Takuya was sitting on the couch, watching a trashy daytime soap promoting incest and witchcraft, when a commercial came on.

"_Do you want your hair to be silky-smooth?" _asked a female announcer, "_Then buy Sensual Hair by Martin Cordo. It'll make your hair so thick, it'll strangle you while you're asleep!"_

What appeared to be a woman was taking a shower while the announcer was talking, Takuya took extreme interest on the woman in the shower and then she shouted, "Yes! Yes! YES!!!" and the person turned around. "She" was really Kouji!

"Oh God!" shouted Takuya as he barfed on the floor, "Someone please cork my eyes!"

END OF FLASHBACK:

"Ranch!" shouted the Ranch Tooth as it hopped on the couch. "Would you just go away?" muttered Takuya, "I'm having enough problems without you getting in the way."

"Ranch?" asked the Ranch Tooth.

"No, a ranch burger won't make me feel better."

"Ranch?"

"I said no!"

"Ranch?"

"Argh!" Takuya knocked the tooth over and said, "I've got to do some serious thinking." He opened the front door and went outside in the pouring rain. He walked a few blocks away, trying to sort out his conscience. _I like her so much, why do I keep getting cold feet? I mean, it's not like she's the ugliest girl ever created and I would go out with her just to cheer her up. Heck, even if she was the ugliest girl in the world, I'd still be in love with her. She's so nice and gorgeous. _At that, he sighed, picturing Izumi in his mind.

Takuya continued walking down the street, as he reached the corner he saw Izumi standing there. She was dressed in her regular outfit and was holding an umbrella, Takuya licked his lips and thought, _Here goes nothing._

"Takky!" said Izumi cheerfully, "What are you doing out here in the rain?"

"Nothing much," said Takuya, "I've just been thinking about stuff." He looked at the ground and said, "Izumi, there's something I have to tell you ----"

"Ranch!" shouted a familiar voice. Takuya looked across the street and saw the Ranch Tooth standing in front of a barbershop. "Oh, great."

"I see you've got a Ranch Tooth," said Izumi dryly.

"Yeah, he's just a load of fun." Said Takuya unenthusiastically.

"Ranch!" shouted the tooth.

"Listen, there's something I've got to tell you," said Takuya to Izumi, "I ---"

"Raaaannnch!" called the tooth.

"You're ruining everything!" shouted the boy.

"Ranch!"

"Sorry, my Ranch Tooth is calling," growled Takuya. He stomped away from Izumi and went across the street to the tooth. "Ranch!" said the tooth as it saw him approaching. Takuya grabbed the tooth, and slammed it against the building. "Listen, you over-grown hunk of enamel!" snarled the boy, "I was just about to confess my feelings to Izumi and you screwed everything up!" He put the tooth down, grabbed the side of its head and said, "Now come on, we're going home and you'd better not say 'Ranch!' or I'm going to cover you in soda, make you get cavities and take you to the dentist!"

Takuya had gotten in the shower when he got home; the hot water hitting his body was nowhere near as hot as the anger that boiled within him. _Stupid Ranch Tooth! _He thoughtas the days event's played again in his mind. He then added thoughtfully, _well, at least tonight's poker night at Kouji's, what could go wrong? _Once a month, Kouji hosted a poker game at his house, where JP, Kouichi, Takuya and himself could play a game of poker while killing time better spent doing homework or playing a mindless video game. Izumi and Tomoki never attended the get-together because the former thought it was a mindless game that men play and the latter because he thought it was too confusing.

That night, Takuya, JP, Kouichi and Kouji were seated at a table in Kouji's house playing poker. Kouji twirled his bandana on his left hand and had a cocky smile spread across his face. "Come on, bro," he urged his brother, "Let's see what you've got." Kouichi revealed his bad poker hand and said, "I guess I'm out now." Kouji grabbed his brother's poker chips and said, "Come to poppa!"

Kouichi stepped away from the table, sighing morosely and the game continued. Takuya was about to make a move when he saw a certain figure wearing a cowboy hat sitting on the chair next to him, _Oh nuts, _he thought. "Ranch!" shouted the tooth. "Who let him in!?" grumbled JP as he made his move. "Ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch," chanted the tooth as Takuya made his move.

"Tell your stupid Ranch Tooth to shut up!" shouted Kouji as he slammed his fist down on the table. "Ranch, ranch, ranch," said the tooth quieter. "This is about as lame as the time Takky forced us to watch _The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai_!" complained JP.

FLASHBACK:

Everyone was in Takuya's house watching _The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai_. Izumi had fallen asleep, Kouji was busy arm-wrestling JP, Tomoki was playing a game on his Game Boy Advance and Kouichi was reciting lines from _Hamlet. _Takuya was the only one who had taken any interest whatsoever in the movie cheering and saying, "You go, Buckaroo!" "Can't we watch something not as lame?" asked Tomoki, "Like maybe a Star Wars movie or something?"

"_Buckaroo Banzai _isn't lame!" protested Takuya, "It's a staple of the 1980's, proving you don't need big budget special effects to capture an audience."

"It still sucks." Said Kouji as he won the arm-wrestling match.

"Ohhh!" groaned Takuya.

END OF FLASHBACK:

"Sorry guys," said Takuya, "I just can't get rid of this Ranch Tooth!"

"I'm sure you'll think of something," said Kouji gruffly, "Now hand me those chips!"

After the poker game (Which Kouji had mysteriously won) was over, Takuya went home with the Ranch Tooth, who kept saying "Ranch!" the whole time.

That night, he had a nice dream where he shipped the Ranch Tooth to Morocco. Then a nasally voice echoed through his mind, "RANCH!"

"Gahh!" shouted Takuya as he lapsed back into consciousness, "You stupid tooth!" He sat in bed, thinking about what he should about his Ranch Tooth, when an idea ran through his mind. "I've got it!"

The next day, Takuya went into his bedroom and said to the Ranch Tooth, "Come here, boy!" "Ranch?" asked the tooth as it came forward. The boy punched the tooth in the face and threw it into a box, he ran over to JP's house, dumped the box at the door and rang the bell and shouted, "Delivery!"

He ran away, JP took the box inside, opened it up and a bloodcurdling "RANCH!" boomed throughout the block.

Takuya said, "Now that the Ranch Tooth's out of the way, I've got to tell Izumi how I feel about her."

He walked into the park nearby and saw her standing by a fountain, he approached and said, "Izumi?" She turned around and asked, "What is it, Takuya?"

_Okay, let's just get this over with, _said Takuya to himself, _Let's hope this works. _"Uh, Izumi?" said Takuya, straightening his hat and jacket, "There's been something I've been wanting to tell you for awhile now."

"Really?" she asked, "What is it?"

"Well," said Takuya, "It's just that you're a very nice and beautiful young women, and I respect your kindness and beauty. Any guy would _kill _himself to have a girl like you. In fact, I don't think there's anybody else like you in all the world, I don't know if there's anyone who's as modest, kind, or as pretty as you." _Oh man, did I really just say that? _

Izumi sighed, "I have something I've been wanting to tell you, too. I'm in love with a boy." Takuya could already feel his heart sinking.

"A kind boy," continued Izumi, "One with rugged good looks, a positive outlook on life and a stubbornness that makes him really cute."

"Kouji," said Takuya with tears already forming in his eyes.

"No, silly," said Izumi, "You!"

Takuya felt the tears immediately dry up and he said, "I love you, Izumi Orimoto."

"I love you too, Takuya Kanbara." She said.

The two hugged each other and kissed. After about a minute, Takuya removed his lips from hers and asked quietly, "So, tomorrow night's good for you?" "Sure thing, Takky," responded Izumi. Their hands locked into each other and Takuya walked Izumi home.

Meanwhile, JP was dressed in rags while fleeing from the Ranch Tooth. "HELP!!!!!" shouted Junpei as the Tooth gained speed on him. "Ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch, ranch!" chanted the tooth as it followed JP down the street. "HELP! SOMEBODY CALL THE COPS!" the boy shouted, "THIS CRAZY THING WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Ranch!" shouted the tooth as it gained on JP. "AHHHH!"

A/N: So, what did you think of my first Takumi fic? Please Read, Review and Git-R-Done! There's more chapters to come!


	2. Steak and Ranch Burgers

You and My Ranch Tooth

Chapter Two

A/N: After several weeks of trying to come up with a totally new story, I have returned for a second chapter of You and My Ranch Tooth!

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon or Wendy's (If I owned the former, I would torture JP just for kicks).

Takuya pulled on his shirt and looked at himself in the mirror. He was feeling grand as of late, he had finally told Izumi how he felt about her and he had disposed of that meddlesome ranch tooth.

_Looking good, Kanbara, _said Takuya to himself as he combed his hair. _That ranch tooth was totally holding me back, but now that it's gone I feel that I'm moving on. _

The boy grabbed his coat, which was hanging off a hook on the back of his door and removed a case of mints from one of the pockets. He grimaced as he ate one of the mints. "These aren't mints!" said Takuya; "It's bat guano!" He threw the mints to the ground and ran into the bathroom for mouthwash. "Got ya!" shouted Shinya, who was in the living room playing a video game. "Just you wait until I come back from my date with Izumi!" shouted Takuya. "Takuya and Izumi sitting in a tree," mocked Shinya as his older brother came down the stairs. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes---" Takuya hit Shinya over the head with a pillow. "When I come home, I going to tell Mom and Dad that you watched Invasion!"

"So?"

"You said it gives you nightmares."

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"What about that one time you stood up all night and watched that weird movie?" asked Shinya.

FLASHBACK:

Takuya sat up on his bed with his eyes glued to the TV. "I can't believe you talked me into this." said a woman in the movie. "Ew, what a mess!" remarked a man. "Promise me you aren't going to go tell your college chums about this," Said the woman.

A man and woman sat in a dormitory carving pumpkins. "Aw!" groaned Takuya. "I stood up all night just to watch these two carve pumpkins!"

END OF FLASHBACK:

"What did that even have to do with the story?" asked Takuya. "I was just distracting you long enough so I could draw this picture." Shinya held up a drawing of Takuya and Izumi kissing. In the drawing Cupid was firing an arrow into Takuya's back and blood was all over the ground. "Gee, that's so nice of you," said Takuya sarcastically as he crushed the paper and threw it at his brother.

"There, are you happy now?" demanded JP as he hurled the wrapper that once contained a ranch burger to the ground.

"Ranch!" barked the Ranch Tooth.

"Come on! That was my third burger!"

"Ranch!"

"But I'm so full!" cried JP.

"Ranch!"

"Have you heard of a little something called cholesterol?" asked JP. "Because if I eat another one of those, mine is going to be very high!"

They were sitting on a bench that was, much to Junpei's chagrin, in front of a karate dojo. For the last two weeks, JP had suffered at the roots of the vile Ranch Tooth; being beat upon and forced to eat ranch burgers all the time. _And whose fault is this? _Asked JP to himself. _Who is the one who caused me to end up like this? _Takuya was the one who did this to him, the one that turned his life into a living hell and Takuya was the one who would _pay _for what he had done to JP. Before he could begin plotting his vengeance, the Ranch Tooth began sniffing the air. "Ranch!" it announced, sniffing the air again. "Ranch!" The tooth hopped off the seat and ran away. "Yes!" Cried JP, "The Ranch Tooth is leaving me!" "Ranch!" it shouted back at him. "Only until you pester Takky?" asked JP, "Oh man!"

Takuya sat in the restaurant, waiting for Izumi to show up. The restaurant was dimly lit, adding a romantic yet spooky setting to the surroundings. Jazz played from overhead speakers as the boy drummed his fingers on the table. _Where is she? _Thought Takuya. _I've had this table reserved for a week. I hope she won't make me look dumb. This reminds me of the time I waited for Metroid Prime 2 and got screwed in the end._

FLASHBACK:

Takuya was playing Metroid Prime 2 on his Gamecube and was complaining the whole time. "This sucks!" he shouted. "The original was much better than this piece of garbage!" Shinya jumped on his head and declared, "I am the Emperor Ing! I vant to zuck your blood!"

"Get off me, Shinya!" cried Takuya. "And I prefer Metroid Prime over the Emperor Ing and Dark Samus any day!"

"Thanks," said Metroid Prime as he floated down out of nowhere. He created a shockwave that knocked Takuya and Shinya to the floor. Meta Ridley and Dark Samus were playing chess in the dining room and Dark Samus inquired, "Should we help kill them?" "Nah," said Meta Ridley. "Not at the $3.50 an hour we're getting paid."

END OF FLASHBACK:

Finally, he saw her coming towards the table. She was dressed in the pink skirt, white and blue striped shirt and purple vest he had grown accustomed to, but still she was as gorgeous as ever. "Hi, Takuya," She said. Takuya just stood there, gazing at her. "I said 'Hi, Takuya'," repeated Izumi impatiently. "Wha---?" said Takuya, snapping back into reality. "I was just admiring how beautiful you are." "Oh, Takky!" said Izumi giggling. She took her seat and soon the waiter came. They both ordered steak and Izumi looked at Takuya longingly and sighed.

"I had the most wonderful dream last night, Takuya."

"Really? What happened?"

"Well," she said, her cheeks were turning red. "I dreamed we got married."

"Wow." Said the boy as his jaw hit the table.

"See, I think we're really meant for each other," she said, "I've been having these dreams about you and, well, I always see a happy future with the two of us married. I just can't stop thinking about you."

"Your dreams might just come true," said Takuya, motioning her to come by him. She walked over to him and he pulled her into a kiss. He didn't care if anyone saw them; he wanted the whole world to know that he was in love with Izumi. He could taste her cherry flavored lip balm, normally Takuya hated cherry-flavored things, but this flavor was a welcome sensation. Just when it seemed that time had stopped, a voice that was all-too-familiar to Takuya broke the pair's kiss. "Ranch!" it shouted. "Oh no," said Takuya, "Not you!"

Standing near the table was a big tooth wearing a cowboy hat and a pissed look on its face. "What do you want?" asked Takuya. "Ranch!" shouted the tooth. "Well sorry," said Izumi. "Takuya doesn't need you anymore, he's got me." "Ranch!" said the tooth as it threw shurikens at Takuya. The boy dodged and kicked the tooth in the head. "Where on Earth does a tooth get throwing stars from anyway?" asked someone in the restaurant.

The Ranch Tooth picked itself up and Takuya said, "All right, Ranchy! It's time to put up your, uh, roots?" at that, the tooth stabbed him in the stomach. Thankfully, Takuya's coat was thick enough to prevent the tooth's roots from puncturing any vital organs.

The waiter arrived with Takuya and Izumi's order, "I see your friend is having a busy evening," said the waiter to Izumi. "Tell me about," said the girl, her face in her hands. Takuya grabbed a plate off the cart and threw it at the Ranch Tooth, temporarily knocking it out. Things got weirder as the tooth regained consciousness and jumped in the air. Time froze in a cool Matrix-like way and then the tooth pinned Takuya down. The tooth stood rooted in the ground on three roots, it used the free fourth root to attempt to stab the boy. "Izumi!" shouted Takuya, "Use the for----" "The what?" she asked, "The Force?" "No! The forks! Use the forks!" "Oh right, the forks!" She grabbed two forks and caught the Ranch Tooth's free root as it was about to go through Takuya's head. She used all of her strength to pull the Ranch Tooth out of the ground and into the sky. "Raaaaaannnnnnch!" it cried as made a hole in the roof.

Izumi pulled Takuya off the floor. "Are you okay?" she asked him. "Yeah, I'm fine," he responded, "Other than being almost killed by that Ranch Tooth, I'm just fine." They shared a brief kiss and the boy looked at the hole in the ceiling. "If I know that Ranch Tooth," he said, "And unfortunately I do, he's not done yet. He wants me back and wants my arteries clogged more than anything in the whole world." "How do you know he's coming back?" asked Izumi. "Easy," said Takuya, "I looked at the script."

Takuya lay in his bed, trying to fall asleep. He got out of bed, walked up to his window and looked out at Shibuya. "You're out there somewhere, Ranch Tooth," he said, "And you're not going to triumph." "Ranch!" shouted the tooth in the distance. "No, you're not." "Ranch!" "I already told you you're not going to win!" "Ranch!" "I don't want a ranch burger with a side of fries and a garden salad!" "Ranch!" "I'm just going back to sleep." "RAAANNNCH!" "Shut up!" "Ranch!" "Lalalalala, not listening!" Takuya jumped into bed and fell asleep.


	3. A Picnic and The Cake From Hell

You and My Ranch Tooth

Chapter Three

A/N: Once again, I return with another chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, Wendy's or the Ranch Tooth (If I owned them, I'd be really rich, but I don't own them).

A frigid autumn breeze chilled the air Friday afternoon as Takuya and Izumi were having a picnic in the park. Nearly a week had passed since the Ranch Tooth had tried to disrupt their romantic dinner together. For Takuya a picnic was a nice change, Shinya had dropped a cow's heart in Takuya's pants a few days ago as payback for his brother beating him up a week before.

Takuya was dressed in a white shirt and khaki pants; his regular outfit was in the wash because of the cow heart incident. Izumi was dressed in a wide-brimmed white hat (Takuya felt that it eerily looked like the Ranch Tooth's hat) with pink ribbon tied around the middle, a light pink shirt and matching pants.

"This sure is relaxing," said Izumi, "The autumn air makes the food taste even better!" "Yeah, it sure beats being hassled by that Ranch Tooth," said Takuya, eating a grilled cheese sandwhich. "Hey Izumi, remember that time you and Kouji were going out a while back and he broke up with you by faking his death?" "How could I forget?" said the girl, rolling her eyes.

FLASHBACK:

"Izumi!" shouted Izumi's mother, "That Minamoto boy's brother is at the door!" "Coming Mom!" shouted Izumi as she ran down the stairs.

Izumi ran to the front door and saw Kouichi standing on the porch. "Um, Izumi?" began the boy. "Uh, Kouji was eaten by a pack of mangy dogs last night." He held up a tattered jacket with the words 'WXNM 104.6: Home of Madman Matsuda and the Toilet Trio' printed on the back. "This is the only thing left of him, I'm really sorry." Tears welled up in Izumi's eyes; Kouichi tossed the jacket on the porch and ran away. His brother leapt out of the bushes, laughing his head off. Izumi was too busy sobbing to notice.

END OF FLASHBACK:

"At least our relationship isn't headed for a downward spiral," said Takuya. Izumi stared at the afternoon sky, looking sad and worried. "What's wrong?" "Nothing," said Izumi, biting her lip. "It's just that I've been worried about what you said about the Ranch Tooth wanting to take you back and clog your arteries. I'm worried that it's going to succeed and keep us apart forever." Tears began to run down her face. "I haven't known this kind of happiness you've made me feel ever in my entire life. What if ---?"

Takuya put a finger on Izumi's lips. "Don't worry, my love. The Ranch Tooth isn't going to win me back." "How do you know that?" asked the girl. "Trust me," said the boy, smiling "That overgrown molar won't win, it wouldn't be a romantic fic without us staying together." He embraced her and whispered in her ear, "Plus it wouldn't be a romantic fic without a good kissing scene every now and then." He gazed into her beautiful eyes and planted a kiss on her lips. Izumi returned the kiss and pulled him closer. Just as the two felt like they had entered paradise, a shrill beeping pulled them out. Takuya ended the kiss and went into his pocket, pulling out a pager.

"Oh crap!" "What is it?" "I've got to go home. Mom and Dad are going shopping tonight and I have to baby-sit Shinya." "Oh, that's too bad," said Izumi. "I was hoping we could stay for a little while longer." "You're not the only one," said Takuya. "I really would have like to have finished that kiss."

He picked up his picnic basket and headed home. "Bye, Izumi!" called Takuya. "Bye, Takuya!" called Izumi.

"Had fun making out with your girlfriend?" asked Shinya as his older brother walked in. "We weren't making out, Shinya," said Takuya matter-of-factly. "Then why were you two kissing like you were the only people left on earth?" asked Shinya dreamily. "Huh? How did you know I did that?" asked Takuya. "I _know_," said Shinya as X-Files music played in the background. "And where's that music coming from?" Shinya held up a digital recorder and said, "The wonders of the Digital Age."

"If you need me, I'll be in my room," said Takuya as he started up the stairs. "Wait!" shouted Shinya. Takuya fell down the steps in exhaustion. "Some guy brought a package for you earlier today." "What kind of package?" asked Takuya as he picked himself up off the floor. "How should I know?" asked Shinya. "Go check it out for yourself. I gotta play Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, not waste time with you!" "Could you at least tell me where the package is?" "It's in the kitchen!" shouted Takuya's younger brother.

The boy walked into the kitchen; a brown box sat on the table. Takuya approached the box, worried that it might contain explosives, crazy-purple knockout gas, a blood-sucking investor or some other soulless being of the undead. A label was on top of the box, written on it was 'From: Phineas Frankly, To: My Good Friend, Takuya Kanbara'. "I don't know any Frankly," said Takuya out loud to himself. He grabbed a knife from the knife block on the counter and cut the box open, praying that the Ranch Tooth wouldn't pop out.

Rather than the meddlesome molar, a chocolate cake with a single strawberry on top lay inside the box. "This is too weird," said Takuya, cutting himself a piece of the cake. "You know," he said, facing all the people reading the story, "Eating food given to you by strangers is a completely stupid and possibly dangerous thing to do. But for the sake of the story, I'm gonna have to take that chance." He ate the piece of cake and soon the horror began.

"Ohhh!" groaned Takuya as he grabbed his stomach. "That cake went down like a rock!" Then his face turned a shade of purple and he felt that cake rising into his throat. "Oh man!" Takuya ran up the stairs to the toilet and barfed loudly.

Takuya lurched out of the bathroom and dragged himself into his room, moaning all the way. He approached his bed and saw a very odd thing, a Ranch Tooth beanbag with a tag that had 'You've been Punk'd!' written on it. The boy picked up the doll and tore it into pieces, scattering the beads within across the floor.

"Crap, I should've know it was the Ranch Tooth!" moaned Takuya. "This is worst than the time I lost that bet to Kouji!"

FLASHBACK:

"Hah!" said Kouji over the phone. "I told you there was a guy in the hatch!"

"Nuts," said Takuya, "I thought that it was going to be a doomsday virus or mutant clones of the Frenchwoman."

"Looks like I've won our bet," said Kouji triumphantly. "You know what that means, don't you?"

"Yes Kouji, I know what it means," said Takuya bitterly. "The winner gets a 25-Off coupon for carpet samples and the loser-----"

The next day, Kouji was buying carpet samples from Kamiya's Carpets when something shocking happened. As he was leaving the store, he saw Takuya streaking with a red and yellow-checkered scarf around his neck. For some reason, his lower body was tiled out. People started screaming and throwing things at him. "Don't blame me!" Shouted Takuya. "Lost made me do it!"

END OF FLASHBACK:

Takuya threw himself on the bed; his stomach felt like it was going to come out of his mouth at the moment. "Stupid Ranch Tooth," he muttered as sleep prepared to seize him. "If I hadn't eaten that burger, this never would have happened."

JP and the Ranch Tooth were hiding outside Takuya's house, getting ready to take him out.

"Okay, he's taken the bait," said JP." "Now it's your turn to finish him off!"

"Ranch!" said the tooth.

Takuya awoke from a pleasant dream about sheep jumping fences into the mouths of wolves and found himself hugging something cold. He kicked his blankets off and saw what was in the bed: the Ranch Tooth. He had soon forgotten about his nausea.

"Ranch?" asked the Ranch Tooth.

"No, I haven't missed you," said Takuya.

"Ranch!"

"I don't need you anymore!" cried Takuya. "Why won't you understand?!"

"Ranch!" said the tooth as it tried to impale the boy with its roots. Takuya punched the molar and said, "Dr. Kanbara is in to pull your tooth!" He grabbed a vase and smacked the tooth over the head. Birdies chirped and circled the Ranch Tooth; Takuya kicked the tooth and took the fight out into the hallway. Shinya came out of his room holding a prop replica of the Master Sword and he called to his brother, "Takuya, use this sword! It can destroy the Ranch Tooth!" "You're wrong, Shinya!" shouted Takuya as he fought the tooth. "The Master Sword is the only thing that destroys Ganondorf, and besides that's just a prop!" "Whatever! Just use the stupid thing!" Shinya threw the fake sword at his brother. Takuya stabbed the Ranch Tooth in the forehead and watched the plastic blade break in a thousand pieces.

"Crap." He said, now beating the tooth with the hilt of the blade. The Ranch Tooth stabbed Takuya in an unmentionable area and the boy threw the sword hilt at the molar. "I'm really getting tired of screwing with you," said Takuya. He kicked the tooth down the stairs and followed after him. Takuya stood over the fallen Ranch Tooth and proclaimed, "Is that the best you can do, you stupid tooth?"

The Ranch Tooth pulled itself up. "Ranch!" it shouted, throwing its hat at the boy. "What? Now you've resorted to throwing your hat at me?" asked Takuya. "I laugh at your stupidity!" the hat missed him and flew into a painting hanging on the living room wall of a girl pouring milk into a glass while a cat stuck one of its paws into the glass while staring stupefied at the viewer. Takuya's parents had bought at a junk sale awhile back. The Ranch Tooth's hat cut the painting into two; Takuya's jaw hit the floor in horror. "I see you've visited Odd Job," he said in horror. As the hat returned to the tooth, Takuya kicked the Ranch Tooth and sent it flying into the front door. He opened the door and told the tooth, "Now be a good Ranch Tooth and LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!" He kicked it again, sending it out on the street crying 'Ranch!' all the way.

Takuya sat down on the porch, exasperated and Shinya came up to his brother. "Can I get you anything?" he asked. "Yeah," said Takuya. "Amnesia pills."

"He beat you again?" JP asked the Ranch Tooth, They were in his basement at the time. JP was dressed in a black suit, black sunglasses and was flicking a cigarette lighter open and closed.

"Ranch." Said the tooth.

"Yes, he is a tough customer, but we'll get him soon." JP flicked the lighter open and set his pants on fire. "YAHHHHH!" he ran around the room ablaze until the Ranch Tooth threw a bucket of ice water on the overweight boy.

"BRRR!" shivered JP. "How does Yamaki manage to not kill himself with this darn lighter?"

"Ranch?"

"Yeah, that could be possible," said JP. He turned his back to the Ranch Tooth and said, "When we're done with Takuya, he'll pray that he never gave you to me." "Ranch!" agreed the tooth.

Tomoki: Will JP and the Ranch Tooth get their revenge on Takuya? Can Izumi and Takuya's love survive? Will I ever make an appearance in this story? Find out in the finale of You and My Ranch Tooth!


	4. Showdown at GravyGlayvin Towers!

You and My Ranch Tooth

Chapter Four

A/N: This is the last chapter of the story, so I hope you all enjoy it!

Tomoki: LOKE!!!!

Loke: What!?! I was just getting into the bath!

Tomoki: WHERE'S MY PAYCHECK?!

Loke: You'll get paid at the end of the story!

Tomoki: Why are you making me wait until the end?

Loke: Well, the reason for that is… (mumbles inaudibly)

Tomoki: I don't like the sound of that.

Loke: Heheheheh.

Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own Digimon or Wendy's.

Takuya was still recovering from his last encounter with the Ranch Tooth two days before. It was now Sunday night; his parents would be coming home tomorrow and would likely be pissed off that the Ranch Tooth ruined that painting with its hat.

The boy was out in the kitchen cooking popcorn on the stovetop when the phone rang. He answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Is your sister home?" Replied a raspy voice.

"What?" asked Takuya.

"You're not Tai Kamiya, are you?" inquired the voice.

"No, I'm Takuya Kanbara."

"Oops, wrong number," said the guy.

They hung up and Takuya resumed cooking the popcorn. A couple minutes later, the phone rang again.

"Hello?"

"What are you doing, Takuya?" asked the raspy voice.

"Making popcorn on the stove," Takuya replied.

"Gonna watch a scary movie, aren't ya?"

Takuya rolled his eyes. _This guy thinks he's in Scream_, the boy thought."No, I'm going to watch a cheesy sci-fi movie from the Eighties."

"Ooh," said the voice in mock enthusiasm. "That sounds reeeeally scary! You know what my favorite scary movie is?" Takuya stood at the other end silently. "Waterworld."

"That's not a horror movie!" "Yes it is!" protested the voice. "The first time I saw it, I thought I was going to die!"

"Look," said Takuya who was growing annoyed, "I've been hounded by this crazy Ranch Tooth for months now, so quit with the stupid mock-up of Scream already!"

"All right, but would you believe me if I told you that your friend JP has teamed up with that Ranch Tooth to make you miserable?" asked the voice.

"Hmm," said Takuya thoughtfully. "That would explain the bizarre odor of ranch burgers and the well-thumbed issue of Playboy I found in the bushes after the Ranch Tooth tried to kill me a couple nights ago."

"D'oh!" exclaimed the raspy voice. "I knew I should have covered my tracks better!"

"Who is this?"

The guy on the phone quickly hung up. Takuya shook his head in disbelief, "My life is totally whacked." He muttered. The popcorn on the stove exploded, shooting the popcorn across the room like shotgun pellets. "Oh crap."

JP and the Ranch Tooth were brooding in their lair, planning Takuya's demise. "He's on to us," said JP. "Ranch!" shouted the tooth.

"Yeah, I know it's my fault."

"Ranch!"

"No, I don't think a ranch burger would help us kill him."

"Ranch?" inquired the Ranch Tooth.

"Here's the plan," said JP. After mumbling incoherently, he then said, "And then when he's vulnerable, we'll unleash our wrath on him!"

Monday afternoon, a mere few hours before Takuya's parents would come home and give him a tongue-lashing, he was in a café having lunch with Izumi.

"And so, now JP's sided with the Ranch Tooth and they both want me dead." He said as he finished telling Izumi about what the guy said.

"I can't believe this!" said Izumi. "Why can't the Ranch Tooth just leave you alone?"

"I don't know," said Takuya as he drank some coffee. "It's about as confusing as the time Kouichi won that marathon."

FLASHBACK:

Takuya, Kouji, Izumi, JP, Tomoki and Kouichi were getting ready to run a marathon. "On your marks," said the announcer, "Get set, GO!!!!!' 

Everyone in the marathon ran faster than you could imagine. For some reason, Kouichi hadn't moved at all. "What's up with Kouichi?" yelled Tomoki.

"Hey bro!" shouted Kouji. "You're gonna get behind!"

Just then, Kouichi pulled out a sword and cried, "I HAVE THE POWER!!!!!" He turned into He-Man and jumped on a camera, which then turned into Battle Cat. He jumped on the massive feline and joined the marathon, knocking everyone down as he barreled to the goal.

"Someone's been watching too many reruns of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe," said Izumi bitterly as she pulled herself up off the ground.

END OF FLASHBACK

"Yeah that didn't make much sense," said Izumi shaking her head.

"From Loke Groundrunner's mind, only could this story come," said Yoda as he gave them the bill.

"How are you the waiter here?" asked Takuya.

"Waiter, I am not," replied the Jedi Master. "Special guest star, I am."

"Weird!" shouted Takuya and Izumi. They broke into uncontrollable laughter and then Izumi said, "Like I was saying before that weird flashback, I don't get why the Ranch Tooth is harassing you like that."

"It's easy," said Takuya. "I was tortured by the Ranch Tooth, I then knocked it out and pawned it off on JP. It's only natural that JP would be a little pissed about that."

"I just don't know how our relationship can survive this," said Izumi.

She felt Takuya put his hand on hers and he said, "This is coming from the girl who said we were meant for one another? I've already told you, Izumi, I'll find a way to dispose of the Ranch Tooth and then everything will be alright."

_Kiss her already! _He shouted at himself. He could feel his lips growing closer to hers, but just when they were about to meet, all hell broke loose. The Ranch Tooth came flying through the window near where they were seated and broke it into a thousand pieces. "Ranch!" shouted the tooth as it landed on a barstool. "Cool!" shouted a little kid as he took a picture of the Rnach Tooth and ran away. "Ranch!" shouted the tooth as the kid escaped.

"What do you want now?" demanded Izumi. Then an SUV came flying through the frame, where the window had once stood and killed several patrons in the café "You stupid Ranch Tooth!" shouted a voice. "I told you I was going to throw the car first and then you!" JP ran into the café, he was dressed in a green coat and had black sunglasses on.

"Wow," said an onlooker, "Two movie parodies in one chapter!" "You know, JP," said Takuya, trying as hard as he could to not laugh, "If you just had four metal arms, I could call you Doc Ock!"

JP ignored the comment. He pulled out a granola bar the size of a golf club and beat the brown-haired boy over the head. Takuya stumbled to the ground, moaning and complaining about how much he hated granola. The Ranch Tooth had somehow knocked out Izumi and was carrying her on its crown.

"If you ever want to see the blonde alive again, come to the Gravy-Glayvin towers downtown," said JP in a cold voice. "Ranch," whispered the tooth to the boy. " Oh wait, I mean Pepsi Presents Gravy-Glavyin towers," Corrected JP. "Anyway, it's time for my stylish exit!"

JP did a weird dance in which he kicked his legs in the air and stuck his arms out and twirled around. Then Takuya passed out; for while JP was dancing, the Ranch Tooth sprayed his former slave with knockout gas.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Takuya as he awoke to the noise of flapping wings, cigarette smoke and the horrible truth that professional wrestling is bogus.

Actually, he awoke to the horrible truth that a crow that was wearing black sunglasses and smoking a cigarette was flying him to the Gravy-Glayvin towers.

The crow flew Takuya over the towers and dropped him. He fell on top of a passing train, which was ironically the same locomotive that JP and the Ranch Tooth stood on top of.

"You're quite the dramatic entrance-maker," said JP sarcastically. Both him and the Ranch Tooth stood at the helm of the train.

"Can it," said Takuya. "Where's Izumi?"

"She's perfectly safe," said JP. "By safe I mean tied to the tracks at the next junction, which we'll be passing by in a couple minutes."

"Normally I'd be pretty freaked-out by now," said Takuya. "But today I came prepared." He pulled a can of Holy Expletive Batman's brand of Train Immobilizer from his pockets and sprayed it in the air. The train stopped moving just as it pulled into the junction.

"Takuya!" Takuya saw Izumi tied to the tracks up ahead. "Help me!" "I'm coming, Izumi!" he shouted back at her. Takuya heard a nasally "Ranch!" from the tooth as he felt one of the molar's roots in his rear.

Takuya removed the root out of his posterior and kicked the Ranch Tooth in the head. Soon both the boy and tooth exchanged several kinds of punches and the fight had officially begun. JP watched the battle as he scoffed down a ranch burger. As the battle between Takuya and the Ranch Tooth continued, an angel and a devil appeared on JP's shoulders.

"Come on," said the devil JP. "Have another ranch burger! You know you want to."

"Don't do it," said the angel JP. "Imagine how high your cholesterol is!"

Takuya had somehow come across nunchuks and was using them to beat up the Ranch Tooth as JP stood there. "Don't you want to help the Ranch Tooth kill Takuya?" asked the devil JP. "Come on, stop being such a wussy! Do it!"

The Ranch Tooth hurled it hat at Takuya attempting to cut the boy's head off and JP still stood there. "No, Junpei," said the angel JP. "Takuya is your friend. He has suffered at the hands of the Ranch Tooth, too. You must help him!"

"Shut up." The devil JP threw a pitchfork at the angel and killed it. "Takuya's the one who gave you the Ranch Tooth, didn't you forget? I say KILL HIM!"

"I can make my own decisions," said JP as he flicked the devil JP off his shoulder. "TAKUYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Takuya turned and saw JP charging at him. _Oh great, _thought Takuya. "Ranch!" cried the Ranch Tooth as it jumped up, getting ready to spear Takuya's innards. JP jumped at the Ranch Tooth, time froze in a very Matrix-like way and he hit the Ranch Tooth with a jump kick, launching the meddlesome molar into a nearby crate. "JP! You're not nuts anymore!" cried Takuya. "There's no time to explain the sudden plot-twist," said the other. "We've got a Ranch Tooth to take care of!"

"Ranch!" it cried as it flew inside the crate. JP and Takuya quickly grabbed a lid and put it on the crate to prevent the molar from escaping.

"Ranch, ranch raaaaaaaanch!" the tooth cried from inside the crate. The two boys untied Izumi from the tracks and Takuya kissed her. "Is it over?" asked Izumi. "Yeah, it's over," said Takuya as he hugged her. "You two need to get a room," said JP as they started kissing each other. "What are we going to with our friend in the crate?"

Takuya pulled away from Izumi. "I've got an idea," he said slyly.

Later, everybody was gathered at the beach at sunset. Takuya grabbed the crate the Ranch Tooth was in and dropped it in the ocean. "Ranch!" shouted the tooth as it tried to break out of the crate in vain.

"Well, that's that," said JP as he watched the waves carried the crate off. "That stupid Ranch Tooth is gone."

"Why didn't I appear much in this story?" asked Kouji. "Because the author was too cheap to have us all as featured players," Said Kouichi remorsefully.

"And I'm _still _waiting for my paycheck!" whined Tomoki.

"Well, now that the story's pretty much over," said Takuya, "I think it's time for a song!"

"Let's do a parody of Fame!" suggested Kouji. "Okay!" said Takuya. "Everybody ready!" they all nodded.

RANCH! He wants to annoy you forever! He wants to drive you insane!

RANCH! He's such a stupid little molar! He's really quite inane!

RANCH! He wants to annoy you forever! You don't want to remember his name!

RANCH!

Tomoki: I'm still waiting, Loke!

Loke: Oh right, the paycheck. (checks pockets) Sorry, don't have one!

Tomoki: That tears it! Execute! Beast Spirit Evolution!

KorIkkakumon: Now you're gonna get it!

Loke: (Gets chased by KorIkkakumon) Please remember to Read and Review! WAH!!!!!


End file.
